Chapter 1: Hackers

Chapter 2: Users

Chapter 3: Lamers

Bible version

First there was Lamer. Lamer gave birth to User. The user gave birth to Hacker and his brother Cracker. Hacker gave birth to Sysop.

Sysop was ordered from Above and he became a SysAdmin. The system administrator gave birth to the Provider. And I saw the Internet provider, and said it was good.

Then the Provider saw Lamer and said it was bad. Lamer, the primary source and root cause of all the troubles of the Sysop, Sysadmin, Provider and the Internet as a whole, began to follow the commandment: "be fruitful and multiply."

And lamers proliferated on the Web unmeasured.

Darwinian version

Modern scientists have come to the conclusion that different people descended from monkeys of different breeds. For example, the tribe of lamers descended from lop-eared macaques.

Like their ancestors, the lamers kept in a large flock, observed tribal relations. They were engaged in gathering, hunting and fishing.

But they did it poorly, so the lamers had to raid their neighbors-users. They believed in a Higher Power, bearing the name Sysadmin, and many deities of a lower rank - Sysops.

Lamers also believed in "paradise" "rulez") - when in the afterlife a lamer meets a dual-processor Pentium Pro with 2 GB of memory, a free dedicated channel of 2 Mb / s or at least a 33600 connection, a 21-inch monitor and a dad-provider, and " hell" (or "Mazdai"), where a terrible punishment awaits the lamer in the form of the 286th without a coprocessor, a modem for 2400 without parity and 20 megabytes in e-mail from an angry system administrator, who "has not been paid for six months."

The nearest neighbors of lamers, users, have evolved faster. And while users have already learned how to get their own food with the help of tamed animals such as "mouse", lamers used the latter to knock nuts from palm trees. Therefore, lamers were terribly jealous of users. Advanced fellow tribesmen were kicked out of the herd in disgrace, shouting after him "user-moderator!", Or they were simply eaten.

However, it was due to a coincidence that the lamers invented a digging stick and a joystick thresher, a log dragger and a wheel, but unfortunately history has not preserved the names of these lamers.

And since for the most part lamers preferred physical strength to the power of thought, spending energy not on thinking, but on breaking through walls and stuffing text into binary system, then in the end the limbs of the lamers became tenacious and fast, while the brains mutated and atrophied.

Historical version

The first postulate: the lamer knows very little.

The second postulate: the lamer is sure that he knows a lot.

The third postulate: it is impossible to explain to the lamer the fidelity of the first postulate.

Fourth postulate: if a lamer has come to terms with the first postulate, he is no longer a lamer.

The last postulate: all discoveries of the lamer occur due to a misunderstanding.

Example: in the era of great historical discoveries, one lamer decided that he could discover new way to India. He did not bother to thoroughly study nautical and navigational charts.

Smart people persuaded him not to do stupid things. Lamer would not be a lamer if he listened to smart people. He equipped four ships and set off across the ocean. On the way, people died, ships sank.

As a result, half-dead from a fever, the lamer saw the land and confidently called it India. Lamer, of course, was mistaken. So Columbus discovered America.

Biological version

The common lamer (lamerus vulgaris - lat.) is a warm-blooded animal of the user family.

Body type: prechlomorphic. Brain volume: no brain detected. Tail: None. Presence of horns: probably. Limbs - 4 pieces, the right front ends with a strange two-three-button process-manipulator.

Hairline: unstable. Below the back is a corpus callosum. Paradigm: sluggish. Falls into suspended animation at the word "unix".

It is active during the daytime. Ability to reproduce: reproduces by viral means.

Lactation: absent. Configuration: non-expandable. Speech: rudimentary. Hearing: developed, sharpened, receptive to the entire frequency range. Reaction: inadequate. Coordination: disturbed.

Features: once a year, in spring, there is an increased activity of these creatures.

Lamers gather in flocks, and huge herds rush to the area of ​​the Moskva River embankment, to the Expocentre on Krasnaya Presnya.

Animals try to get into the Komtek exhibition, throw themselves at the fence, at the guards, gnaw holes in the concrete, show the rudiments of intelligence, getting entrance tickets.

Once inside, they sweep away everything in their path, stuffing their pockets and bags with badges, booklets, price lists and press releases.

Attacking the mouse-pad, they capture it with loud and sharp cries. They strive to drag all prey to their nest.

Violent insanity lasts for several days. After that, the lamers disappear, where is unknown. Most likely, they rush into the oncoming waves of the Moscow River.

This is how the natural balance of the population is achieved. It is recommended to keep in closed enclosures, in complete isolation from personal electronic computers and especially from servers, the contemplation of which leads the lamer to heart failure.

The version is paradoxical - lamers are needed!

The conclusion from the foregoing suggests itself as follows: a lamer is a useless creature and sometimes even harmful. And yet, wherever you spit, lamers are everywhere. No dusts, rides, traps and passwords can kill them.

But in fact, lamers are useful creatures. Thanks to communication with them, sysops and system administrators develop speech, reaction, intuition and memory.

Thanks to them, hungry for the Internet, providers are getting richer. In addition, there is healthy competition, because every lamer has a small chance to become a user someday, and then, you see, he will grow up to a sysop ...

So, if you are reading these lines, then accordingly I can draw two conclusions: the first is that you can read, and the second is that you most likely have a computer. And now the question is: how many times were you offended when your mouse brothers called you "user", "lamer"? You probably don't even remember. What if you figure it out? Of course, it is difficult to give an exact definition, but 5 main groups can be distinguished:

Kettle is a person who has just begun to take his first steps into the world information technologies. His main problem is fear. It is fear that prevents him from becoming a confident computer user. Trying something new, pressing the button confirming the deletion is a whole stress for him. At work, the kettle becomes a mockery for colleagues and the system administrator, and it is these ridicule that makes him overcome his fears and become a user, and the sooner this happens, the better! We were all (or still are) dummies, no need to be offended by this.

User(from English user - user) - probably the largest part of the computer population of our planet. The user can be compared to a bird that spent part of its life in a cage and suddenly got freedom. Word and Excel no longer cause difficulties for him, the Internet is moving from the category of scary legends about viruses to the category of an integral part of his life. The hard drive is slowly clogging up with junk, without which, as it seems to him, it is impossible to live. This definition is suitable for an “ordinary user”, and in addition, there is a “confident user” - to the above qualities, he has an average knowledge of hardware and software, his friends respect him, and sometimes ask for advice.

Lamer- this is a half-hacker-reuser, who usually with a smart look explains what he himself doesn’t understand a damn thing about, he doesn’t even have the word “I don’t know” in his vocabulary. So be sure to contact him with any question - you will definitely get an answer, but it's up to you to decide whether it is worth listening to him! The average lamer usually takes on anything. Let's say he came across an article on overclocking the processor, without thinking twice, he rolls up his sleeves and gets down to business ... Usually this ends with an extraordinary trip to a computer store for a new part, well, a negative result is also a result! Most lamers are very fond of teapots. Why? Yes, they just like to hang computer noodles on their ears.

Hacker. And how do you imagine it? Probably so: a small, frail bespectacled man with bulging eyes, driving the sinister code of a new virus into the body of the program? Probably, there are such, but in general this is a rather small group of people, consisting mainly of half-educated computer faculties. Their main occupation is the search for vulnerabilities and doing nasty things to others. In general, these are pretty smart guys, and God only knows why they chose this particular self-realization.

IT specialists- this group includes a variety of subclasses, here are Webmasters, and programmers, and system administrators, and technical engineers, the only thing they have in common is that they are aces in their field. According to statistics, these are the most fashionable specialties, still - as one wisdom says: “Only an IT specialist can ask the boss for $ 100 as a keepsake and get them”

And finally, I want to say: if someday the book “Windows for Dummies” falls out of the programmer’s box, don’t laugh at him, because maybe he also once looked for the “any key” key.

Within the computer user community, several distinct categories can be clearly distinguished. The most common are "dummies", "users" and "lamers". Of course, there are others, but these are common. Who are they and how do they differ from each other?

"Dummies" are found in any field of activity, not only in connection with computers. These are people who have never dealt with them before, but for various reasons they have to connect their lives with them. Some people have to do this on duty, others just wanted to buy a computer to keep up with their neighbor ... In any case, the “teapot” is not able to independently connect the monitor to the system unit, and sometimes he doesn’t even know such words. To write something in Word for him is like torture. Yes, he is able to press the power button on the computer and can even launch and sometimes even install the game.

Over time, the "teapot" gains experience. Life forces him to often turn to more advanced comrades for help, and sometimes even read special literature. He ceases to be afraid of the computer, Word and Excel are his home for him. He not only can install various programs himself, but also understands something in the computer device. So the "teapot" turns into a "user" - a more advanced user. This word is translated like this - in English the word “user” means “user of something”.

"User" is respected by "dummies" - they run to him for advice if something does not turn on or is not clear. Communicating with "users", "dummies" themselves can gradually turn into the same "users".

Sometimes evolution makes a “user” into another kind of user – a “lamer”. This is a rather harmful subspecies of mankind. This word itself comes from the English "lame", which means "crippled, lame" in translation. He considers himself quite advanced in computer technology but in fact the opposite is true. Yes, the "lamer" knows something, he even picked up something from the Internet and from literature. But he picked it up, but did not study it ... Usually, dropouts who imagine themselves to be hackers become "lamers", who only roughly imagine the essence of the matter, but they have more than enough energy.

Usually "lamer" is exactly the pest, after which it is required complete reinstallation systems, and even the replacement of parts. He manages to do what even the "teapot" is not capable of. Considering himself an experienced hacker, a “lamer” can safely try to overclock the processor, because this will make the computer run faster. He can carry out this experiment not only on his own computer, but also on the first one he comes across, you just have to allow it, but you don’t have to persuade ... The result is smoke from system block, will not keep you waiting.

It is the “lamer” who, having come to visit, can set up your computer in such a way that after that even what used to work normally will not work. At the same time, he climbs into such a jungle of settings that the devil himself will break his leg after him. For example, he is unlikely to miss the BIOS or the registry, he will definitely dig deeper in the control panel. After the playful hands of the "lamer" it is easier to reinstall the system than to try to find the changes made.

"Lamers" have a love for "dummies", because they can listen to a "competent specialist" for hours, hanging their ears. Well, he will excitedly tell the grateful listener how he made a sophisticated supercomputer out of the ancient Pentium-2, or how casually he got into the secret sections of government sites and no one noticed anything ...

As you can see, there are various categories among computer users, but it is better to be a "teapot" with some narrow knowledge than a "lamer" with his broad interests. Sane "dummies" inevitably become "users" over time, and if the mind does not leave them further, then "advanced users" - and this is quite a respected category.

Lamer, lamer, lamer...
Sits at the computer, thinks - a hero,
Super hacker, in kind.
I downloaded the tren from the Internet, and
And he was going to nuke everyone.

And how to connect Windows, he has not yet figured out.
Not long ago I learned to click the mouse,
My computer opens - it has achieved a lot.
But what is Windows it still
Does not represent, only on the Enter button
Presses all the time.

And launches DOS, performs a feat,
He does not know a single team in it yet.
And who is it? Do not tell me.
Who is who? Do not speak.

A damn!!! This is a lamer!

Lamers in the network, lamers in the network,
Lamers in the network, lamers in the network.
Who?
Lamers in the network, lamers in the network.
Where?
Lamers, lamers..
Who? Who?
Lamers...

I bought a bag of literature about computers,
And I didn't forget the "Hacker Soft" disc.
I sat, read, studied programs,
He threw his fellow lamer with a package,
He shouted "I am a great hacker! I have learned how to conduct an attack element."
And what to do with the Trojan, he still does not know,
He starts the edit server for himself,
Scans ports, pings everyone,
Well, what does all this smell from yet does not smell.

And who is it? Do not tell me.
Who is who? Do not speak.
And who is it? It's not hard to understand
A damn!!! This is a lamer!

Lamers in the network, lamers in the network,
Lamers in the network, lamers in the network.
Who?
Lamers in the network, lamers in the network.
Where?
Lamers, lamers..
Who? Who?
Lamers...

Dedicated to all pseudo-hackers,
To all those lamers who
They thought they were super hackers.
They really can't do anything else.

Prostonet, demon, nazar,
I also want to add that there is a new abbreviation
By the way, lamer is a huuser,
Bad user.

Lamers in the network, lamers in the network,
Lamers in the network, lamers in the network...
Lamers, lamers...

Lamer, lamer, lamer...
Sitting at the computer, I think - a hero
Super hacker in the nature of such.
I downloaded friction with the Internet, and
And all the nuke going.

And how to connect Windows, it is not yet understood.
Not long ago I learned how to click the mouse,
My Computer Opens - he has achieved a lot.
But what he has is Windows
It is not only the Enter button
All the time presses.

And run DOS, makes the feat,
Not one team in it, he does not know yet.



And fuck!!! It lamer!

Who?
Lamer in the network, the network lamer.
Where?
Lamer, lamer..
Who? Who?
Lamer...

Bag literature about computers bought
And the drive " Hacker Soft " is not forgotten.
He sat, reading, studying programs,
His fellow-lamer package overwhelmed,
He yelled " I am a great hacker! I learned how to carry out the attack element & quot ;.
And what to do with the trojan, he does not know yet
He himself Edith server starts,
Ports scans all consecutive pings,
Well, how it smelled not yet feels.

And who is it? Don't tell me.
Someone who is it? Do not speak.
And who is it? It is not difficult to understand
And fuck!!! It lamer!

Lamer in the network, the network lamer,
Lamer in the network, the network lamer.
Who?
Lamer in the network, the network lamer.
Where?
Lamer, lamer..
Who? Who?
Lamer...

Dedicated to all the pseudo hackers
All the lamer that
Imagines himself a super hacker.
That really can't do anything more.

Prostonet demon, Nazar,
I also want to add a new abbreviation
By the way lamer - huyuzer
bad user.

Lamer in the network, the network lamer,
Lamer in the network, the network lamer ...
Lamer, lamer...