“Small actions say more about you than long posts”
25 years old, manager / used to be an active Instagram user
A couple of years ago, I was very active on social media. When we were at a table with friends, I stuck to Instagram and posted photos, came up with a long description for them, confessed my love to my friends - all this right during dinner.
Photos are a separate issue. I passed by a beautiful wall and thought about taking a picture here. I am not a very photogenic person and I used to be able to take about 18 thousand photos, choose one of them and process it for 2.5 hours. And even earlier, I had a trick: make an appointment at a certain restaurant only to check in there and take a bunch of photos. I understand that this is strange, and talking about it is even stranger, but now I admit this to myself and I hope that sooner or later this realization will overtake all instamaniacs.
Now it sometimes happens that acquaintances say - I sent you a request on Instagram, but you don’t answer me. We have to explain that this is all in the past. I sometimes feel detached, for example, if I miss the opening of a restaurant or another trendy joke, but mostly my friends tell me everything on WhatsApp.
Now it's funny for me to look at myself in the past - a sort of 17-year-old playboy who knows everything about love, the meaning of life and, most importantly, teaches others all this. Gradually you outgrow it all. I very actively dissuade friends from social networks, it is better to devote this time to loved ones. Small actions say more about you than long posts. For example, I have a friend with whom we write real paper letters to each other. And when we go somewhere abroad, we always send each other postcards.
“When I tell new acquaintances that I am not on social networks, they try to shake my hand”
30 years old, top manager / has never been registered in social networks
I am 30, I am not married, I work in a retail network as a finance manager, I have lived in Moscow for more than 25 years. I was never registered in social networks, it did not attract me - maybe because when social networks began to develop, I was surrounded by people who did not understand this. The young man did not want to see me in in social networks, and family, close people were skeptical about online communication. My involvement in work and the lack of free time also played a role.
All my friends use social media. It happens that everyone is discussing some kind of video that has already collected thousands of likes, and I sit and do not understand what it is about. But I'm not embarrassed or upset, but just ask me to throw off the link. When I tell new acquaintances that I am not on social networks, as a rule, they try to shake my hand.
I never had a desire to post something, I myself don’t like to be photographed and photographed, I prefer to collect impressions with my own eyes, and not through the screen. I am a little closed, I first need to win over so that I tell something, and I am also not inclined to share my news with everyone around.
Sometimes, when I come to a cafe with friends, I warn: whoever picks up the phone first pays for the entire bill. It annoys me that we can't just sit and chat - everyone is on their phones. Perhaps this is how I form my opinion about people. If I came to a cafe with a person and he is constantly on the phone, discussing something with someone, texting and also smiling, then I don’t understand what I’m doing next to him.
Among the girls, I noticed some kind of wild, fanatical discussion of likes and someone else's personal life. It has always been alien to me - what, people have nothing to do?
“Social networks, in my opinion, are an attempt to get the approval of other people, but I don’t need it, I’m completely self-sufficient”
34 years old, lawyer / previously used VKontakte and Instagram
I work as a corporate lawyer, ensuring the legal purity of transactions and the security of the company. I have little extra time, home-work, every free minute I do tennis and clay shooting. Weekends, as a rule, I try to spend more quietly. I retired from VKontakte about a year ago, now I use only instant messengers. One day I thought - why do I need this? Waste of time, like a zombie in the morning: got up, got into the application, looked at what happened to people, instead of reading a book, doing exercises.
I have a distant friend who can deny herself everything, but has to post cool pictures on Instagram that show how cool everything is with her. Maybe, for example, not eat for two days, then to go to an expensive restaurant and take a picture there.
I have many friends who don't use social media. I graduated from the Academy of the Ministry of Internal Affairs and worked in the investigating authorities - it is forbidden there behind the scenes. When I graduated, there was no such attitude towards social networks, but even then I understood that it was not worth spreading information about my personal life.
I've often noticed that people who look like they're on a first date turn to their phone during an awkward pause. Before, when they didn't know what to talk about, they talked about the weather. Now they are stuck in the iPhone.
I will not return to social media under any circumstances. I don't need them to live. I am not a media person, and they are not needed for work. With those with whom I want to communicate, I communicate and so. And I think that communication by phone or in person is better.
“Talking to people is difficult because they are on their phones”
Alexandra
21 years old, student / used to actively use VKontakte
I study at the institute and work. I used social networks very actively in high school, I started in general with the social network "My World" - I was in the sixth, fifth grade, something about 12-13 years old. Just then I was presented with my first laptop, the Internet appeared - and I was carried away.
In the profile on VKontakte, I had somewhere between 450-500 friends, each new acquaintance had the main question: “Are you on VKontakte?” It doesn't matter whether you communicate closely with him or not - it was necessary to add each other. Sometimes I looked and thought: “Who are these people?” The face is familiar, the name is familiar, but how do I know him?
At some point, I realized that I was constantly on the phone. I rode the subway and read the news, texted, looked at stupid pictures, sat at home and, instead of doing something useful, looked at stupid pictures again. And it seems to be normal - you can get distracted from everything, but I did it all the time and corresponded on some unimportant topics.
Now, out of the entire group at the institute, I am the only person without social networks. On a couple, I noticed that absolutely everyone has the same page with correspondence open on their phone. It seemed strange to me - everyone is like a zombie, although just a year ago I behaved in exactly the same way. And talking to people is difficult because they are on the phone.
I used to pay a lot of attention to a person's profile, study their photos and audio recordings, and think: how cool he must be. I didn’t understand that real life is different from social networks, I merged it all into one. Sometimes I met a person in real life, then I opened his profile and thought: “He is somehow boring, I must have made a mistake in him. Well, such a cool person cannot have such a page, something is wrong here. Perhaps because of this, I lost a lot of interesting people.
I think that the ubiquitous geotags are just a blessing for thieves and all the intelligence agencies who now know everything about everyone. Who went where, all correspondence, all broadcasts - everything. My friend had a case when, due to the fact that she posted photos from her vacation on Instagram, her apartment was robbed. We saw that she and her family were not in Moscow. If strangers did not know where she was, how long she had gone, perhaps this would not have happened. It made their task a little easier for the criminals.
I am a Gen Y computer scientist who also writes books and blogs. Because of these demographics, I had to become active user social networks, but the situation is different. I have never had a social media account.
Now I am rather an exception, but I believe that many people should follow my example. Social networks create a lot of problems - they corrode civic life, give rise to cultural narrow-mindedness, etc.; but my main argument is more pragmatic: you should quit social media because it can hurt your career.
This statement, of course, contradicts our current understanding of the role of social networks in the professional sphere. We've been told that we need to build our brand on social media as it opens up opportunities we might miss and maintain the connections we need to move forward. Many people of my generation are afraid that without social media they will become invisible in the job market.
In a recent article for New York Magazine, Andrew Sullivan recalled when he first felt the need to update his blog about every half hour. It seems that everyone who now has a Facebook page and a smartphone feels the need to take emotionally intense and personal actions on social networks. He writes: "Once upon a time it was an unthinkable step even for a professional blogger, but now it is a common standard for everyone."
I consider this behavior to be incorrect. In a capitalist economy, the market encourages rare and valuable items. Social media is undeniably not like that. Any 16-year-old with a smartphone can come up with a hashtag or repost a popular article. Thinking that doing low-value activities will get you ahead in your career is pretty silly.
Achieving professional success is hard, but it's not all that confusing. Almost always, in order to achieve real achievements and self-realization, you need to hone your skills and apply it to things that people care about. This philosophy is perhaps best expressed in the words of Steve Martin, who had to advise artists: "Be so good that you can't be overlooked." If you do this, everything else will take care of itself, no matter how many Instagram followers you have.
In response to my skepticism about social networks, it is often said that there is “no harm” from these services after all. Okay, you're honing your skills, doing something of value, say my critics, but why not use social media for opportunities and connecting with other people? I have two arguments against this position.
First, the number of interesting opportunities and useful connections in the real world is not as scarce as advocates of social networks claim. Throughout my professional life, for example, as I became a scientist and a writer, I found more interesting opportunities than I could handle. I have special filters on my site that even help to reduce the number of offers that I receive.
My study of successful professionals further emphasizes this rule: as you become more and more successful, worthy things will find you. No, I'm not trying to prove that opportunities and connections are not important at all. But I say you don't need social media for that.
My second objection concerns the notion that social media is harmless. In fact, the ability to focus on complex tasks is becoming increasingly valuable in a complex economy. But social networks weaken this skill because they are designed to be addictive. The more you use social media in the way that it was meant to be, that is, constantly and throughout your waking hours, the more your brain learns to give you signals at the slightest hint of boredom.
Once this connection is established in the brain, it becomes difficult to decide challenging tasks with the full focus they demand, because your brain just can't take that long without a new dose. And that's part of the reason I'm giving up social media, out of fear that it will impair my ability to focus, which is the skill I make a living from.
The thought of deliberately introducing a service into my life that will destroy my attention is as terrifying to me as the thought of smoking is to many athletes. If you are serious about creating something important, then it should be just as scary for you.
And the most important thing, probably, is the way of thinking that users of social networks have. Setting your brand on a social network is a completely passive approach to professional growth. You are wasting your time and attention: instead of creating something important, you are trying to convince the world that you yourself matter. This last idea is seductive, especially to members of my generation who were raised in similar settings, but it can be highly unproductive.
Most social networks can be described as a collection of a few trivial entertainment services that are now in high demand. They are fun to use, but you're kidding yourself if you think tweets, posts, and likes are useful uses of your time.
If you're serious about making an impact on the world, then turn off your phone, close your browser tabs, roll up your sleeves, and get back to your work.
5“Imagine how much you could learn if you didn’t waste time consuming useless content on social media.”
The answer is not at all, bggg. A little over a year ago, on January 1, 2015, I retired from all social networks, it became interesting whether I really had an addiction or not. Deleted instagram, facebook, contact, twitter. There is also LiveJournal, but I haven’t been there for five years, I don’t remember the password, so I scored. I deleted all instant messengers to the heap, except for Telegram, where I have parents and several close friends. More than a year has passed and I can say that if a person wants to kill time, he will find something to kill it without any social networks.
As for me. As it turned out, there was little time left. That is, for the most part, I looked at the social network when it was impossible to do anything else anyway. For example, when I was driving in transport, when I was in a major traffic jam, when I was waiting for someone at a meeting, but in the same clinic. What have I been doing now? I play casual games and listen to the radio. I tried to read books, but it didn't work. As before, to read, I need to get comfortable and immerse myself completely in the process. So as I read before going to bed for an hour and a half, I read.
Real communication? It became an order of magnitude smaller. Why? Because all kinds of meetings in our time, as a rule, are organized online, and even if you drop out of online communication, people try not to pull you, they understand that they are busy with something serious, or maybe depression, so they don’t bother. If something official, for example, a meeting of graduates, then, of course, they contacted me, but, for example, they agreed on the New Year's Eve party online (we have a large company from two cities), I didn’t show up, they decided that it means I’m not interested. With close friends, with whom communication is not only online, I continue to communicate in the same mode - 1-2 meetings a month in real life (we live on different parts of the city, study, work, there is no time for more frequent meetings, especially with a close friend the children were born recently, he has no time for real meetings at all) well, plus we communicate in telegram, we made a chat there for four, so at least we are aware of events in each other's lives. For a long time it has not been customary for us to communicate by voice on the phone, it rarely happens that at least half an hour of time for this at the same time at least two people.
I can't say much about my personal life. I broke up with my girlfriend two years ago and have been missing since. Well, by abandoning social networks, the chances of finding someone, if you don’t specifically search, have decreased. Previously, I could, for example, get acquainted in the comments on Instagram, at a party of my favorite forum, and so on. Now all that remains is work and study, but somehow so far all the faces are familiar, and most of them are in relationships that have already developed. The option, of course, is on the street - but somehow I got used to the fact that at first you get to know a person at least a little, and then you roll up, but on the street this is impossible.
At school and work, the situation has not changed. As I worked and studied before, so now. Previously, if I wanted to calm down and unload the brain, I went to the social network, now I open some kind of Tetris. I don't feel any difference. I tried to load the brain with something useful at such moments - no, it doesn’t work. Because the brain wants to just downplay and reboot, and not to absorb new serious information.
In general, what are the disadvantages for myself:
1. Socialization has decreased significantly, I almost don’t communicate with my acquaintances, my social circle has folded to a few close friends (but still mostly online with them) and parents. Well, plus communication at work and at school, but there it is more professional, we don’t share personal things, we don’t talk about various abstract topics, we don’t discuss life. Plus almost dropped out of all companies. As a result, NG met with his parents (however, they were very happy, this had not happened for a long time).
2. I noticed that I was falling out of the context of my current life. Let’s say I don’t read the news on purpose, because I usually found out about everything significant through Facebook and other social networks, plus, during the discussions of these events, I managed to find out different points of view on the issue. Now there is no such thing. The radio helps a little (I don't like Russian, I listen only to English-language news podcasts like BBC Global News, etc.), but, of course, there is not enough opportunity to discuss something. Well, in general, I don’t really know “what they are wearing now, what they are talking about”, all sorts of memes and so on pass by.
3. Losing useful information. For example, I missed an announcement about a very useful study seminar (infa about it was only in social networks). I blew an interesting job offer - it was also only shared on FB, a friend even tagged me on purpose, he decided that since I didn’t answer, it means I’m not interested. Well, plus, for example, now I have to get some knowledge myself (I used to write to my group in VK, ask a question, they answered much faster than I myself would find information). It's a shame with hobbies too. Quite by accident I found out that the fans of a well-known series decided to bring the performance of the orchestra, which plays music from this series, to Moscow. But for the concert to take place, you need the consent of all future visitors, and for this you need to be noted in the group and all that - well, I can’t. Yes, and if it were not for the conversation practically overheard in the metro, I would never have known about this concert, which is a pity.
4. I began to photograph much less. Not because I used to be a fan of likes (which I still got a little, I'm not a very popular user on Instagram), but because I don't see the point. Before, the meaning for me was to share with other people the beauty that I see, well, or something interesting. And now? Of course, sometimes I click something as a keepsake, but I no longer want to process the photo, try to make it really convey what I saw. In general, the hobby in this sense has shrunk significantly.
I don't see any benefits for myself. I have not received any benefits from the fact that social networks have disappeared from my life. Although, like the author, I thought that I would have a lot of free time, I would stop looking at the phone all the time, etc. And I can say that the opinion about addiction is greatly exaggerated. After a couple of days, you get used to poke into any application, after a month you don’t even really remember about Facebook or Twitter. You can, of course, attribute it to the fact that I did not have a strong addiction, but this is not so - every free minute I read, wrote, discussed something. Even in the toilet and immediately after waking up. And he constantly monitored all the tapes in fear of missing something.
Such is the experience. I wonder what experience the author has. Has his life really become as full after quitting social media as he promises in his article?
@Totoro One of the few really worthwhile comments here! Thank you, comrade, for your frankness and honesty with yourself.
All in all, I think you're partially right. Partially because, judging by the style of writing the comment, you have a mind, and in this case, social networks did not play a special role in your life. You can always understand when you can put your phone aside and surrender to reality, and when, if you have a minute, poke into the news of the world around you, and this is not a problem for you. Feel free to come back. Without instant messengers and networks, it’s hard now. We, too, have stopped calling our relatives, because we constantly write off.
And partly wrong because the rest of the vast majority is really dependent on networks. And this is a fact, unfortunately, and here the article hits the mark. This is not about you, friend. Come on, socialize back, so you can get used to the lack of communication)
I myself have not even tried to try to refuse. Because sometimes there is no time for social networks, and this is normal)
There is an interesting bug in human nature: people want to think less and simplify the existing model of the world around them. We like to live and not know reality, eat bad food, not understanding all the variety of world cuisine.
It is convenient for some to exist in a world where there is one enemy, and for some it is difficult to think about the infinity of the Universe. But all these patterns of following the path of least resistance are nothing compared to what happens to us when we constantly use social networks.
1. We stopped making sense of what is happening
Think back to how you reacted to a new law that you didn't like. It was an emotional outburst, which you definitely duplicated on social networks. Have you thought about the reasons for this behavior?
Someone scribbled an angry “until” on Twitter, someone shared a link to the news and commented indignantly on it. It's just that there is no comprehension. Instead, you expect likes and comments. The more of them, the more you believe in your rightness.
You rely not on logic and your experience, but on the opinion and reaction of strangers. Then, having caught the emotional wave, you will produce negativity again and again, receiving a flurry of approvals from your “friends”. But you will never comprehend what is happening, but only spend precious time reflecting on insignificant events.
This is how your whole life can go.
It seems to you that you are in the thick of things, but you are not. You are in the midst of gadgets. You are simply reacting to a match, concert or rally that took place without you. You are where you were yesterday. Nothing depends on you, no matter what you think about it.
2. We have a distorted picture of the world
Constantly being in virtual contact with different people, you cease to perceive reality. A distorted picture of the world and the people who inhabit it is built in your head.
Have you ever seen someone write that he cheated on his wife or watched a great porn movie? Have you read that the guy does not have enough money to live until the end of the month? No. On social networks, you will see only juicy dinners at a restaurant, vacation photos with blue skies and palm trees, and snapshots of gadgets you just bought.
No one will show cockroaches in the kitchen, no one will talk about pain in the back and neck, no one will share the fact that every Friday he rents prostitutes.
Reality is not for you. For you - glossy images with perfect sea views, a girlfriend in a photogenic pose, lunch with Instagram filters applied and children who never cry, poop, but only smile, wear the most beautiful clothes in the world and play with LEGO.
The same goes for . I read dozens of indignant comments about the fact that all the ballot boxes were removed in Kyiv. I thought I'd be back in a city littered with garbage. But it turned out that the ugly ones were replaced by cute plastic bins, familiar from Europe and Asia. No one wrote about the new trash cans, only about the destruction of the old ones.
3. We see the worst of the worlds
We don't live in the best place just like any other person on earth. The ideal world does not exist. Spending time on social networks every day, we are convinced of this by receiving the most depressing information.
No one shares the news about the launch of 100 new buses. But everyone will discuss the 10 million dollars stolen during their acquisition.
Journalists choose nightmarish news stories, and we share the worst of them.
It turns out such a picture of the world that you want to hang yourself. So the world you didn't choose seems the most disgusting.
4. We don't know who our real friends are.
You will not be able to say for sure who your real friend is, who is a comrade, and who is just an acquaintance. You will mix everything together.
5. We forgot about the real world in pursuit of likes.
You will see an amazing sunset and of course you will want it. But you evaluate its beauty by the number of likes collected on Instagram or Facebook. Collected 100 likes - awesome sunset! No likes - this is not the best sunset.
I photographed this sunset while jogging and immediately processed it, significantly worsening my performance. For what?
You see a fragment of a grand event that lasts a matter of minutes, but your eyes are in. You are busy processing the photo and publishing it. The sunset is already over, and you missed everything.
I didn't see the sun cross the horizon. I've been busy posting photos Now it's time to eat. You will order spaghetti, but you will start by taking pictures of them. Only now you will eat a cold dish - processing and publishing a photo takes a lot of time. But no one will know about it, because you will not write about it.
100 likes say that the restaurant and the dish are excellent, and what you think is secondary. Eat your cold spaghetti, the taste of which you won't remember because you'll be busy reading the news feed.
Yes, this soup got cold while I was photographing it. You also connect with brands on social media. Maybe try to talk to a bottle of beer in a store and listen to a fresh anecdote? Maybe, satellite dish will amuse you with a demotivator about cable television? Maybe a car in a showroom will show you the latest TopGear in real life? Hardly. It's time to reflect on the absurdity of the current state of affairs.
I feel unhappy after visiting the pages of smiling friends at various parties, viewing photos of numerous trips, buying apartments, cars ...
And yes, I am terribly jealous of the missed opportunities that someone picked up and carried into a bright and airy future. Social networks awaken a lot of negativity in me, and I am afraid to go over to the dark side. I also don't know how to brag and flaunt myself. It's just very, very difficult for me. I don't know how to be a star, and my posts often get unliked and never get to the top of Facebook views. I'm not popular...
These experiences were shared by my client, a young woman who came to her appointment because of acute self-doubt. Pleasant, interesting, not stupid, dressed with taste. It is difficult, looking at her, to suspect that very notorious uncertainty and such deep feelings about such a seemingly unworthy fact as unpopularity in social networks.
A lot has been written about the reverse side of social networks and there are a number of rather interesting studies on the topic of their negative impact on the psyche of people. I will just touch on some key facts that, in my opinion, deserve the most attention.
The negative impact of social media
1. Stealing time
Light surfing from 15 minutes often turns into many hours of aimless sitting with viewing other people's profiles, photos and reading superficial life hacks.2. Cultivating a sense of insecurity
Everyone goes on vacation to the islands, buy apartments, cars, change prestigious jobs, look great, and I'm Cinderella.3. Disappointment in your life
Against the backdrop of all these successful and beautiful, you understand that your life is passing by.Superficial thinking - pictures with quotes, short posts, but in what quantities. The brain is overloaded with information, perception becomes very selective, fatigue accumulates, which affects the quality of assimilation and the amount of information that can be processed.
4. Addiction
A steady and constant craving for being in social networks is formed.Simple medicine, or why they do it
And now about the personal experiences of their failure and a simple medicine that will help to cope with this. Networks are emotional, this is their main channel of influence. So ladies and gentlemen, let's turn on the logic! - Who, being in their right mind and sober memory, will post their crooked and oblique photo taken in an unfortunate angle and in a boring environment?
- Who will share grief-sadness that a sea of tears has long been pouring into pillows about loneliness and despaired of finding their soul mate?
- Who will tell stories about failures at work or that work sits in the liver with all dear colleagues and no less beloved bosses?
- Who will tell about depression, the loss of the meaning of life, or about a difficult period with fears, worries, ups and downs?
- Who will share thoughts about divorce, about how a child swings on a chandelier for the second year and that from time to time you want to go out the window and these thoughts no longer cause fear and reproach?
At the cost of great efforts, people keep the brand of success, happiness, harmony. This is a guarantee of popularity, likes, envy of others, ratings - all the attributes that confirm that you belong to the pack and play by its rules.
I have not met desperate daredevils who would engage in spiritual striptease on the topic of how hard it is to live, how lousy it is in the soul and what fears overcome before going to bed. This is not accepted, it is difficult to get a lot of likes for it, and, moreover, such frankness can seriously shake a successful personal brand that is being built with titanic efforts.
5 More Reasons for Perfect Social Media Profiles
1. With the help of a profile, many people try to please the employer.
2. A profile is often used to develop a business and sell their goods and services.
3. There is quite a lot of competent information on how to promote yourself more successfully on social networks, and at least many of my acquaintances use it.
4. CMM-specialists and copywriters help most of the most successful users of social networks in promoting their profile.
5. Building and maintaining your brand and being popular is a skill that can be trained with knowledge, effort and quite a lot of time.
If even after all of the above, the inner voice continues to excitedly say that something needs to be done, do it. Start small - define the goal that you will pursue with the help of social networks. Make a minimum program and start showing up. Any skill, as well as a muscle, needs to be trained in order to have a result. And remember that on the other side of the monitor there are the same people with similar problems, fears and worries. Keep it simple and good luck!